


Santa, Shemps, and the Spirits of the Season

by vesperlynds



Series: Christmas and The Evil Dead [2]
Category: Ash vs Evil Dead (TV)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 02:56:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17174537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vesperlynds/pseuds/vesperlynds
Summary: Ash, Pablo, Kelly, and Brandy celebrate the holiday season as a family along with some unwelcome guests in a crowded mall.





	Santa, Shemps, and the Spirits of the Season

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I didn't post this earlier. I still have a few more holiday ideas, so I might write another addition to this series next year. I hope you enjoy this.

The Ghostbeaters with their new addition, Brandy stood in a crowded shopping mall. Santa sat on a throne, eagerly awaiting little children telling him their Christmas wishes. Kelly, Ash, Pablo, and Brandy stood at the back of the line. Kelly looked over at Ash, "Why are we here? None of us need to sit in Santa's lap, and if we do something else might be wrong with us - more so than being constantly hounded by those deadite fuckers."  
Ash turns towards Kelly, "I've never taken my little girl to see Santa. She needs this." 

Kelly rolls her eyes before saying "Ash, do you see your daughter? She's 17. She saw her best friend turn into a very musically inclined monster." 

Ash looks towards his little girl, "Brandy, don't you want to see Santa and tell him what you want for Christmas?" 

Brandy looks at her father, "Uh, you can just buy me some socks, some nice ones that wick away blood". 

Ash beams with pride, "Every father waits for the moment his daughter asks for blood wicking socks” 

Kelly shakes her head and looks at Pablo, smiling at a little girl dressed as a fairy. When Kelly looks back at Ash, he is munching on a candy apple. Kelly asks, "Ash, where did you get that?" 

Ash smiled around the sticky apple in his mouth and said "Oh, an elf with a nice rack came over and asked me which Christmas movie features a masked ball and I said Eyes Wide Shut. Not sure that's what she was expecting. She dropped the tray of apples and ran off. Anyone else want one?" Pablo grabs an apple off the tray. 

Kelly grabs two apples and hands one to Brandy. “Thanks, Kelly. You’re the best. Kelly smiles and lightly hugs Brandy, but only for a second.

The line starts to move. Lots of little kids sit on Santa’s lap, asking for overpriced toys one after another. The girl Pablo saw earlier goes up to Santa. Her fairy costume looks ripped up in the light the Santa display shines on her face. Gone are her rosy cheeks and cheerful disposition, replaced with chapped lips and black sunken eyes. She grabs onto Santa’s beard and screams “Gimme your sugar dusted soul” She bites into Santa’s cheek and grabs onto two women dressed as sugar plum fairies standing next to Santa. Nobody in the line seems to notice, so transfixed on waiting this long already. The little girl leads the fairies around the line, coming up to Ash, Pablo, Kelly, and Brandy. 

One of the fairies pushes into Brandy and yells “I’ll be your sugar plum bitch”. Brandy quickly turns around and sticks her candy apple stick into the deadite’s eye. It screeches in pain as Brandy pulls the stick out and repeatedly stabs the deadite until it falls over. 

Ash looks towards Brandy and says “Aww, that’s my baby girl.” Brandy smiles and hugs her dad, while Kelly shoots the second deadite fairy as it opens its mouth. 

The little girl appears in front of Pablo and smiles, “I bet you didn’t expect this oh special one”. Pablo sighs. “I should have known. Your costume was too good to be true.” Pablo picks up the tray the apples were on and smashes in the deadite’s head. After the three deadites are taken care of, Ash looks towards his family and says “Well, at least the line is shorter now” as he looks over the now deserted Santa line. 

The group walks up to Santa, but he bursts from his crown with the sunken eyes of a deadite and says, “Swallow my coal, you bitches.” Brandy sighs, annoyed, and picks up a huge candy cane from the display. She stabs the deadite Santa right through the head.  


***

  
It's December somewhere in America. The Ghostbeaters sit around a Christmas tree covered in Shemps cans with a whiskey bottle as the tree topper. The trailer is cramped, but filled with the holiday spirit. A menorah and a little sign that says Happy Hanukkah, Get Lit sit on the counter, as Kelly sets a turkey down on the only open space on the counter. She starts looking through the cabinets before asking, “Does anyone have a carver for the turkey?”

Pablo, Ash, and Brandy sit cramped on the couch, before Ash stands up and walks towards Kelly and says “I got this baby.” He attaches his chainsaw arm and revs it up. He begins slicing the turkey in crude pieces. Kelly places her hand on Ash’s other arm and says "Thanks, Ash. Not exactly what I was expecting, but it fits our little family." Ash looks towards Kelly and smiles as he says, "The family that chainsaws shit together sticks together."

Pablo walks over and stands next to Kelly. He looks at the turkey, “Hey, can I get a piece?” 

Ash smiles and cuts another piece and holds his chainsaw out towards Pablo with the piece of turkey on top. Pablo takes the offered turkey. “Thanks, Jefe.” Pablo walks back towards the couch and sits down.  
  
Brandy shakes her head and calls out, “Hey, dad. Can you throw me a piece?” Ash puts one of the cut pieces on his chainsaw and launches it at Brandy. She catches it and bites off a chunk. 

Kelly takes a can of Shemps out of the fridge. She pops it open and takes a drink before looking towards Ash and saying “Thank you for making the holiday bearable, even if I don’t really celebrate it. It is nice to feel like a family during this time of year." 

Ash disconnects his chainsaw and reattaches his hand. He looks towards Kelly, “I’m glad to have you in my family, along with all you other death-defying freeloaders.” Kelly laughs and takes more cans of beer out of the fridge. She hands Ash a can. 

Ash looks at Kelly and says "Thanks, Kells" He opens it and drinks it before crushing the can with his custom hand courtesy of Pablo. Ash grabs a piece, and the pair walk towards the couch, joining the rest of their little family built through keeping the world safe from deadites.


End file.
